2021.12.01 07:03 ripcountryc0ck TIFU by pissing my friend off and spinning tf out for the first time in a year
i (m20) have been diagnosed with bpd for years, but when my last relationship ended and over time i began to feel better, i rationalized my symptoms as being symptoms of a toxic relationship. while the relationship certainly was toxic, i also neglected to acknowledge that due to my mostly untreated illness, i was toxic too. it wasn’t just the circumstances.
a week and a half ago, i reached a year since my breakup. a year of growth, of happiness, of self love. i had been riding this self reliance induced high for months. however, i began to feel really isolated. part of my recovery from my breakup involved getting comfortable with being alone, i had told myself. but i had really been isolating myself and keeping everyone i consider a friend, “close” or not, at an arm’s length. honestly, more like two arms and a leg’s length, all out of what i’ve just realized was a deep fear of vulnerability born from, you guessed it, a fear of abandonment.
shit. so the symptoms weren’t gone, i just express them differently now that i’m single. awesome. well, at least it’s not affecting anybody else, i thought. wrong again.
i started making a point to hang out with people and have friendships outside of surface level work/school interactions. i wanted to explore sharing deeper parts of myself with others and being vulnerable. i’ve been doing pretty well considering it’s been less than 2 weeks, but it’s already gotten out of hand. tonight, two of my friends and i were hanging out and we were messing around, joking about something. i joked just a little too far. one of these friends told me he was upset with me, which is honesty that i can appreciate, but when he asked that i leave him alone, i felt this awful, familiar feeling bubble up. i felt sick to my stomach and like the only way to make it go away was to keep pushing, to manipulate him into making me feel better. i can’t just let him hate me, i thought. but he clearly stated he didn’t hate me, he just wanted a little space.
this seems so small, but you have to understand, i had been greatly limiting my social interaction over the past year. i’ve now realized this was to avoid the potential for abandonment, but at the time, i just thought i was self sufficient and independent. to choose to let someone in despite being absolutely terrified and then to feel that tiny pang of rejection, even if i knew it was temporary and he still loved me, made my skin crawl.
i still left him alone, but i only lasted an hour. he was so nice to me about it, but i know that he felt obligated to comfort me and he shouldn’t have had to take care of me because i upset him.
it all clicked. i wasn’t magically “better,” i was in denial. i wasn’t “free,” i was making choices entirely informed by my undercover fear of abandonment for a year straight. i feel like curling up in a ball forever. i can’t believe how naive i was.
all of this is not to say that i’m giving up. i have still grown a lot and i still want to be healthy and i believe i can be. it just means i was looking at my journey through bpd like it was over and i have a lot further to go than i thought.
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2021.12.01 07:03 AutoNewspaperAdmin [Business] - China’s depressed land market offers buying opportunity for Hong Kong developer HKR International | South China Morning Post
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2021.12.01 07:03 Waltur_ Piston ring gaps
I've got a kind of odd situation. I'm planning to do an engine rebuild (my first rebuild ever btw) on my Cooper S R53, as its using way too much oil (1L per 1000 km). I ordered OEM Mahle piston rings on AutoDoc, but got the message they only had 2 sets, so for 2 pistons. I thought, they will be in stock again next week or so, but they weren't. Instead, I got 2 sets of rings from Goetze, as I couldn't get ones from Mahle anywhere where I live, or they were rediculousy priced. My thought was, as they have the same OEM number and therefore manufactured by the same specs, they would work together. Today I layed the top rings onto each other, and noticed the gap was different. This would mean in my thought that the rings with wider gaps will push harder into the cilinder wall when installed, but the gap will be the same across all 4 pistons. However, as this is my first rebuild, I'm not 100% sure. Can anyone tell me if this will work? Or should I get 2 other sets from Goetze, to make them all the same across the 4 pistons?
I'd love to hear, and thanks in advance!
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2021.12.01 07:03 Apprehensive_Ad1121 Very very difficult ask
Dragon men are featured prominently with golden ones being considered royal, there was also a king who had the head of a lion and was originally from another land but has amnesia, he uses some whistles which atleast 1 of summoned animals to help him fight off an invading force. Hope this is enough to go on im very very stumped.
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2021.12.01 07:03 oslushy Help
does anyone know how to fix this?
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2021.12.01 07:03 Econ_Orc SF mister vigtig post efter ballade: - Jeg havde sagt det til partiet | TV2 Fyn
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2021.12.01 07:03 Few_Kaleidoscope8604 Gifts Daily 6485 3066 3042
2021.12.01 07:03 communistvoyeur Your vitamins, gentlemen.
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2021.12.01 07:03 DueValue69 Anyone wanna cure my boredom? 😏
2021.12.01 07:03 Dull-Mine6959 Has anyone used wild willie's product lines if so let me know looking for honest opinions thanks
2021.12.01 07:03 pleasedontfollowm3-5 Alex Lolly
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2021.12.01 07:03 Qsmooth99 In episode 18 of the Stormpod (a Stormlight Archive podcast) Shawn and Jack cover chapters 29 & 30 of Words of Radiance. Link and artist details in comments.
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2021.12.01 07:03 Ashish_jailbreak Dumpling cats
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2021.12.01 07:03 Feeling_Squash914 Kenko LAUNCHING !! Kenko LAUNCHING ! Get strapped in and join the ride to the party, don't be late to yet another party !
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2021.12.01 07:03 bdinu89 Top 5 (NFT) Play-to-Earn Cryptocurrency Projects To Watch in 2022
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2021.12.01 07:03 1kaeruuu Zekrom on me , 8110 1140 6891 - Icesolateds will take 10
2021.12.01 07:03 messimisses Some Predictions. Who are on your predictions and wishlist?
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2021.12.01 07:03 Erik_the_drone Riga in autumn
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2021.12.01 07:03 VladtheImpaler21 Best mainstream fantasy series.
I'm looking for a relatively new fantasy series with more volumes incoming that looks to be worth getting invested in. What is in your opinion the next Harry Potter or next Game of Thrones book?
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2021.12.01 07:03 yyzworker Why Toronto's oldest cemetery is spending $2.5M to move the cremated remains of 500 people
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2021.12.01 07:03 Fair_Conference3238 Gospel: Mt 1521-28
2021.12.01 07:03 onemorepop Funko FUN6144 Chibi Character Figures
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2021.12.01 07:03 1-2-3-GoForIt Digital detox ... to a new level?
Basically in short: I want to remove all traces of myself online. I need to focus on getting better and reaching my full potential. I know to delete the major big tech apps (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, etc.), but how can I ensure that I'm hitting everything? Is it possible for me to locate that dumb account or email I made back when I was 12?
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2021.12.01 07:03 Odd_Reindeer303 titel
2021.12.01 07:03 Reece_Pratt What 'Poverty Food' is Actually Really Delicious?